Date: 2018-02-22 14:33
I 8767 m dating a guy with a great *censored*. He asked me to move in. His one daughter lives with her mom and has a great life there with parents that are well off because mom dumped my boyfriend as soon as she started making money, even though he supported her through her college and being out of work, etc. So with my boyfriend 8767 s job, he doesn 8767 t get to see his daughter a lot, and I help out with logistics of driving her back home as needed, or picking her up. This *censored* has grandparents, aunts and uncles. She is loved and adored by all, and they all flock to all of her events. I work and have a long commute and have just a few obligations and interests of my own, and I don 8767 t always go to ever event or parade she 8767 s in. She tells her dad this is hurtful and then I get a lecture from him. Now dad and daughter do things together without me sometimes there just isn 8767 t money for 8 to go, and all of the expensive things are the two of them. When we go out for dinner, who pays 85% of the time? Me. So I feel like I 8767 m doing my part and helping the whole system work. But if we go to a movie, the daughter tries to dictate that she sits between my boyfriend and me instead of him sitting in the middle. When I was a *censored*, I had no say in anything I was one of 9 and I did not have an opinion anybody wanted to hear. If we were going someplace, I just had to shut up and go. I certainly didn 8767 t have the gall to tell people who could sit next to whom. It is logical to me that in a theater, he sits in the middle so we can both talk to him. He is the reason his daughter and I even know each other, and while I give her all the time with her dad she wants, I don 8767 t think it 8767 s right to physically be in between us. Also, if her dad is watching TV on his bed, she hops onto my side of the bed without asking, making me feel she is not respecting my space and is pushing me out. I think she should ask her dad to make room and he should slide over and make room for her instead of taking over my side of the bed. Boyfriend thinks that 8767 s being ridiculous. I think his daughter is great, but I think everybody feels sorry for her because her parents divorced, and they give her her way constantly, and then expect me to do the same. I don 8767 t insert myself between her and her dad, so I don 8767 t see why she should do it to me. If she wants her dad to herself, then I don 8767 t see why I should go with them anywhere when she comes over. My boyfriend wants me there well of course he does I help pay for things! So why am I treated like the step*censored* while his *censored* is treated like royalty? I am at least an equal, and now that I 8767 m adult, why is the *censored* running things? I wish every *censored* was #6 in their parent 8767 s or at least SOMEBODY 8767 s life. But since when in life does somebody have to be #6 in every person 8767 s life? That 8767 s not balanced or normal. If she didn 8767 t have a mother, it would be a completely different situation, but she has an A+ mother. Anybody would wish to have such a mother.
I haven 8767 t read all the comments as there are a lot but I have read enough to feel I would like to express my views. I think Emma misses the point of being a parent in the first place. I understand life happens and everyone deserves to be happy (I am a divorced mum of two amazing *censored*s and I am now engaged to an amazing man). Yes of course it 8767 s hard work integrating a new person into an established family with *censored*ren but most things worth having don 8767 t come easy. To me, the point of being a parent is providing a stable, loving home, ensuring that your *censored*ren know how important they are and that their needs are seen as a priority. How a *censored* is treated in their *censored*hood sets them up for life. *censored*ren that feel important and loved will no doubt grow up feeling secure and have good self esteem and that is the job you take on as parent. It 8767 s the most important job a person can have in their life, being responsible for the how another person will feel about themselves throughout the rest of their life. It should not be taken lightly. It is not a lifestyle choice it 8767 s is a huge responsibility. My *censored*ren are shared equally between their dad and I and the *censored*ren enjoy two stable loving households with two sets of loving parents. My partner does not have *censored*ren of his own at the moment but he loves me and makes the biggest effort he can with the *censored*ren. in turn they love him and he loves them. it 8767 s not always easy but family life isn 8767 t anyway. MY partner knows how much I love him but he knows and accepts I have to put the *censored*s needs first as does he. We have time together when the *censored*s are with their dad and put the *censored*s at the centre of our world when we have them. My partner sometimes does boy stuff with my son and I spend time with my daughter. *censored*ren should come first. Any decent parent would think that. Emma, if you are just dating people they certainly do not deserve to come before your *censored*ren. You are putting yourself first there. I think if everyone put the *censored*s needs so that mums and dads got equal access, then step families would be easier too. I know this is not always possible but a selfless attitude towards *censored*s should always be the priority to me. Taking the decision to have *censored*ren is a massive responsibility and the least a parent can do is ensure they are given the best *censored*hood possible to give them the best start in life. Yes the *censored*s will put their partners first as an adult but that 8767 s totally different. Parents make sacrifices not *censored*ren. That 8767 s how it works. ALl I want is for my *censored*s to grow up stable and happy. I want them to find a loving partner and enjoy life. I have the capacity and maturity to love both my *censored*ren and partner and show them this. We try our best to be a family. Anyone who tries to justify being a selfish parent should look at the outcome of their work in twenty, thirty, forty years. If their *censored*ren are functional and happy people, then great. Its fine to put your *censored*s second. But you won 8767 t know until it 8767 s too late. Is it really works the risk?? To fail at the most important and precious job given to you in life? I don 8767 t think so.